I expect it will come back and bite me again some time but for the moment I am moving forward again. Thanks to everyone for your support. I would like to say that I won't do that to you again, but I almost certainly will at some stage. I find that the negative emotions like grief, fear and anger are lurkers in the undergrowth. The phrase that's life leapt to my mind then. Why do we only use that phrase for the days when everything goes pear-shaped: when you step out of bed into a pile of freshly deposited cat vomit, all your bones hurt and none of your clothes fit? It would be nice to use it in the context of the days (admittedly rarer) when everything comes together, and everything including body and mind works as it should.
And joy and bliss. All the bulbs that had arrived are now in the ground. Despite me backing into a rose bush and to quote the smaller portion scratching my lower back/upper bum 'in a way which would have made Jazz proud'. We had to squeeeze to get the last tulips in, but they are now in place. Some time later this week another box of spring flowering joy will arrive (the Gambler's Pot Luck collection), but it is likely to be small (only 50 or so bulbs) and I know where they are going to go. And yesterday afternoon the smaller portion and I fixed the lining on the car ceiling so that it no longer droops down and dangerously obscures vision. I was on call for LL last night and it was reasonably quiet and I got most of a night's sleep. Back on a roll again.
Today I plan nothing more strenuous that sweeping the veranda, feeding the birds and reading. I have started a biography of Alfred Bestall, the creator and illustrator of Rupert Bear. And I have loved Rupert since I first stole my brother's Rupert Bear Christmas Annuals all those years ago.