tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post6729111590579782723..comments2024-03-29T16:23:14.210+11:00Comments on Elephant's Child: WEP June Challenge - Unravelled YarnElephant's Childhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comBlogger136125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-16833491000489086772018-08-09T13:22:29.358+10:002018-08-09T13:22:29.358+10:00Molly Bon: It is a painful truth for too many of ...Molly Bon: It is a painful truth for too many of us. I am simultaneously glad and sorry that it resonated. If that makes sense. Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-2289428531749345102018-08-09T13:06:00.812+10:002018-08-09T13:06:00.812+10:00Moving story, well told. My beautiful, talented mo...Moving story, well told. My beautiful, talented mother also had problems with alcohol. This really resonated with me.mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03797484583400519909noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-25136720468843878422018-07-28T09:03:31.979+10:002018-07-28T09:03:31.979+10:00Tanya Miranda: Welcome and thank you. We definit...Tanya Miranda: Welcome and thank you. We definitely mourn more than once, both when the person we knew leaves/is taken from us by ill health or abuse. And mourn again when they leave us permanently. <br />I am grateful to hear that it has taken others a long time to change their mindset. Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-35054091204524552902018-07-28T08:46:30.858+10:002018-07-28T08:46:30.858+10:00Beautifully written. I sighed a heavy sigh at the ...Beautifully written. I sighed a heavy sigh at the end. <br /><br />My husband went through something similar with his mother after she had a stroke and was wheelchair bound. It was hard for him, and I kept having to remind him to forgive the games, the fake cries for help, the false claims -- we might be there one day and who knows how we will behave when our whole world flips so upside down that we can't recognize the person in the mirror anymore, trapped in a body that is no longer ours. <br /><br />They say when a family member has a life-altering stroke, you mourn twice. Once when they have the stroke and they become a fraction of what they once were, and a 2nd time when they pass away. That's exactly what happened to us.<br /><br />And she died, after a long mourning period, my husband was able to forgive himself for all his anger, forgive the universe for making his mother suffer, and he found peace in recalling the amazing woman she was before, through stories of his own and of other family members, and long lost pictures that were stored in a shoe box, forgotten.<br /><br />Thank you for writing this story, it has given me something to think about today.<br />Tanya Mirandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05993489244795453045noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-83751369012054507172018-07-18T13:09:15.227+10:002018-07-18T13:09:15.227+10:00Hilary Melton-Butcher: You are right. It is and ...Hilary Melton-Butcher: You are right. It is and was very difficult. It has taken me a lot longer than 8 months to pull it together, and some parts I can only deal with by saying her choice. Not my choice.<br />Heartfelt hugs.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-13691436151257540192018-07-18T12:11:09.236+10:002018-07-18T12:11:09.236+10:00Hi EC - it's interesting reading this again .....Hi EC - it's interesting reading this again ... as obviously it's your life ... but I'm in a similar position here - and it is so so difficult ... <br /><br /><br />'The person is characteristically resourceful in finding ways to' manipulate the family here and those around her ... so unnecessary and unkind. Always wanting the last word and 'always right -not'.<br /><br />I as a cousin, with the family, will never know why she feels the need to fabricate a different way of living - she has everything going for her - yet the 'smallness' remains for her to inflict on others. It's good I've come back to re-read this ... it highlights aspects here ... that I am still putting together 8 months on ... <br /><br />Cheers Hilary<br />Hilary Melton-Butcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17596532480645510678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-422040568612582772018-07-01T18:47:01.090+10:002018-07-01T18:47:01.090+10:00Kalpanaa M: Thank you. Those years were hard (an...Kalpanaa M: Thank you. Those years were hard (and often heartbreaking) for us all.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-40147324201012871182018-07-01T18:21:13.528+10:002018-07-01T18:21:13.528+10:00Those years after your father died must have been ...Those years after your father died must have been so hard for you EC. I know how hard it is to take care of a stubborn parent. You told the tale beautifully and she sounds like such a strong character. What a wonderful woman she was. Thank you for sharing. Kalpanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02503951641129389045noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-23070267970985208092018-06-29T08:15:32.841+10:002018-06-29T08:15:32.841+10:00Bea: She lived life to the full, and gave with bo...Bea: She lived life to the full, and gave with both hands before my father died. After his death she died too. Kept breathing, but was dead emotionally. I am sorry to hear that your father's widow is entrenched on the same path. It rarely seems to end well.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-27095482832399438602018-06-29T07:53:32.439+10:002018-06-29T07:53:32.439+10:00I read your piece twice. The first reading, I read...I read your piece twice. The first reading, I read thoroughly all the way through. The second time around, I paid special attention to Joan's life before things began to unravel. One rarely meets people so connected, so creative as your mother, I think. To have shared a coffee and cigarettes with her would have been something.<br /><br />My dad's widow is probably rarely sober past 9am. I don't know this for sure as she both never picks up the phone when I ring, and never calls back. I hear from others how's she's faring. Mostly, it's not well. Beahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07886227825064266814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-44816211798210089912018-06-27T09:17:21.495+10:002018-06-27T09:17:21.495+10:00Magic Love Crow: And to you.Magic Love Crow: And to you.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-48311079810385556182018-06-27T09:16:00.986+10:002018-06-27T09:16:00.986+10:00XOXOXOXOXOXOMagic Love Crowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14133368208464734546noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-79657471798368730462018-06-26T08:15:58.307+10:002018-06-26T08:15:58.307+10:00Dee: I am very, very glad to hear it. Hugs.Dee: I am very, very glad to hear it. Hugs.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-36402537879896734142018-06-26T03:03:30.370+10:002018-06-26T03:03:30.370+10:00Dear EC, I do so try to be kind to myself by liste...Dear EC, I do so try to be kind to myself by listening to my body and taking care of myself. I didn't do that for most of my adult life and so ended up with many physical problems. Since I've begun my "body kindness," I am feeling better than I have in about 10 years. Wonderful. Peace. Deehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00612299013780771262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-91697741291541519782018-06-25T07:57:46.380+10:002018-06-25T07:57:46.380+10:00Dee: Thank you. And please follow your own advic...Dee: Thank you. And please follow your own advice and be not only gracious but kind to yourself. As kind as you are to others.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-37409928566397318392018-06-25T07:15:24.024+10:002018-06-25T07:15:24.024+10:00Dear EC, I'm grateful to learn that you are fe...Dear EC, I'm grateful to learn that you are feeling "lighter." That's how I've felt when I've shared on my blog things that I've struggled with and that have been painful for me.<br /><br />All of us are flawed; and we all need forgiveness. But that doesn't mean that we haven't been deeply hurt, and sometimes damaged, by the actions of others, especially our parents.<br /><br />It took me more years to forgive my mom for not leaving my father and keeping my brother and me safe, then it took for me to come to peace with my father's brokenness. And I mean years and therapy. You'll see from the memoir how broken I was. Like you, I bear the scars of a childhood, that, as you say, far too many of us know. <br /><br />Please be gracious to yourself. Love, DeeDeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00612299013780771262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-992890134430896882018-06-25T06:47:42.125+10:002018-06-25T06:47:42.125+10:00Dee: Thank you. As an earlier commentator said, ...Dee: Thank you. As an earlier commentator said, this story (and variations on the theme) is repeated in far too mamy families. And no, I am not perfect, and most certainly have faults for which I need forgiveness.<br />This wasn't an easy post to write, but it needed writing and I do feel lighter. And so very grateful for the kindness and support I have found here.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-48848895428051338052018-06-25T06:40:44.237+10:002018-06-25T06:40:44.237+10:00Dear EC, the following three sentences from your p...Dear EC, the following three sentences from your posting, struck me forcibly. (1) “Her world shrank to exclude any source of happiness or joy." That happened to Dad after he was turned down for the Seabees in World War II. That's when the drinking began and he seemed to forget that Mom loved him. He wanted his mother's love and she withheld it. A "perfect" son would serve his country!<br /><br />(2) "When my mother took the plunge into alcoholism she became a stranger to the truth." That happened to Dad also. It's not that he told untruths about his family as your mom did. It's that he could not recognize the truth about himself and about how much he was hurting his wife and his two children.<br /><br />(3) "I am now also remembering and celebrating the woman she was rather than the tragedy she became.” This aptly describe what happened for me after my mom died and Dad and I started to talk. I had been bitter and angry not only at him but at God for giving me such a father. But when I began to understand that he was--for many reasons, most of them having to do with his mother--a weak man, I began to realize that I, too, had things for which I needed forgiveness. When I was able to see him as a flawed human being--just as I, the ex-nun, was deeply flawed, then love flowed. <br /><br />Thank you for writing this posting. It must have been hard. I hope it was also freeing. Peace. <br />Deehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00612299013780771262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-35364493737651283562018-06-25T05:00:23.557+10:002018-06-25T05:00:23.557+10:00Strayer: My mother didn't let anyone else sha...Strayer: My mother didn't let anyone else share the limelight. It would have been good (in a sick sort of way) to see the confrontation though.<br />Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-76914595245310157932018-06-25T04:18:10.178+10:002018-06-25T04:18:10.178+10:00That is a hard tale to read of your mother and the...That is a hard tale to read of your mother and the plunge into self destruction and manipulation. I'm sorry went through it but you survived her and don't seem to be anything like that. It's sad your mother and Andrew's could not have met. They might gotten along fabulously but yikes, would have been scary!Strayerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08124298302997708537noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-79993520528639818972018-06-24T10:25:50.868+10:002018-06-24T10:25:50.868+10:00Magic Love Crow: I am so sorry to hear that your ...Magic Love Crow: I am so sorry to hear that your father felt entitled to behave that way. And so pleased that you can (and are) standing tall and being your amazing creative self. Hugs gratefully received and returned with interest.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-55214465077207079922018-06-24T09:47:20.366+10:002018-06-24T09:47:20.366+10:00You are a beautiful strong woman and I understand ...You are a beautiful strong woman and I understand everything and feel for you my friend! When I wrote the post about the person who called me ugly, about my hair cut, that was from my father. Not going into alot of detail, I have went through alot of negativity and manipulation in my life. I feel better than ever now, no blame. So many of us go through so much. Give yourself a hug and know you are loved! You are an amazing person! Big Hugs! Magic Love Crowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14133368208464734546noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-2770579041249515902018-06-24T06:22:20.961+10:002018-06-24T06:22:20.961+10:00Sandra Cox: Oh yes. I think all of us have been ...Sandra Cox: Oh yes. I think all of us have been our own worst enenemy from time to time. I hope your weekend is full of wonder and joy.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-6476761907983791172018-06-24T06:21:13.890+10:002018-06-24T06:21:13.890+10:00Terry: I suspect it felt like a very long nine mo...Terry: I suspect it felt like a very long nine months. I know it did for my mother (and more selfishly for me, visiting her often twice daily).Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-42422762815440048252018-06-24T04:16:34.713+10:002018-06-24T04:16:34.713+10:00It always amazes me of our potential that we often...It always amazes me of our potential that we often manage to destroy or crumble from the inside out. It's a battle that I believe most all of us fight in some form or other.<br />You have a luscious weekend, my friend.Sandra Coxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03814573408898140885noreply@blogger.com