tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post897932783808510335..comments2024-03-14T06:23:31.561+11:00Comments on Elephant's Child: Why is this true?Elephant's Childhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comBlogger123125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-88772327865966164352013-11-25T11:19:31.000+11:002013-11-25T11:19:31.000+11:00wordsfallfrommyeyes: Complex and wrong. His daug...wordsfallfrommyeyes: Complex and wrong. His daughter was in residential care, so the support would have been for the family, not her. And it was absent. Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-45808178091828272312013-11-25T08:20:27.014+11:002013-11-25T08:20:27.014+11:00This is poignant, Sue - and all the comments, too....This is poignant, Sue - and all the comments, too. Indeed, indeed. I appreciate the dad noticed the difference in the support. It is complex, it is. Mental illness, yep, I so know about that.<br /><br />Excellent post.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-76255401540422779122013-11-20T06:23:04.247+11:002013-11-20T06:23:04.247+11:00daisyfae: I don't think that there are any &#...daisyfae: I don't think that there are any 'right' words - but no words at all are very often as wrong as it gets. Many years ago a work colleague's son died - and I said nothing because I didn't know what to say. I still feel bad (very bad) about that, and try and do better. Much better. And yes, you are right, suicide falls in the too hard basket - often.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-83396783120323024302013-11-19T23:26:12.327+11:002013-11-19T23:26:12.327+11:00it shouldn't be any different, but there's...it shouldn't be any different, but there's such a fear of saying or doing the wrong thing that people stay away... "i don't know what to say/do" is the rationale. i've seen it in my friends and family. a simple hug will do. invitation to coffee. <br /><br />similar to the situation when a friend lost his young son to suicide. had the son been in a car accident, there would have been an outpouring of support, comfort, candlelight vigils... some of this happened, but mostly the family felt abandoned.... <br />daisyfaehttp://daisyfae.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-43407987999528597992013-11-19T06:50:08.727+11:002013-11-19T06:50:08.727+11:00Wild Child Mama: Welcome and thank you. Yes, it ...Wild Child Mama: Welcome and thank you. Yes, it probably needs us to think about what we say - which is not a bad thing.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-3385146288781061292013-11-19T03:04:23.741+11:002013-11-19T03:04:23.741+11:00I agree that this shouldn't be the case. I th...I agree that this shouldn't be the case. I think the difference is, whether we suffer from mental illness or know someone who does, there is, unfortunately, so muc shame and secrecy surrounding it tat people don't know how to talk to each other about it. It's one thing to tell someone, "heal up, feel better" there isn't the risk of offending them, or at least, the offense is less likely than talking about mental illness. That same comment might sound offensive to someone who is depressed. That's just my take. And, I agree with you, we should be just as eager to help out! :DWild Child Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18085099683294642471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-90876264812457488992013-11-17T06:18:53.338+11:002013-11-17T06:18:53.338+11:00Pamela Andrews: Lovely to see you here. Thank yo...Pamela Andrews: Lovely to see you here. Thank you for sending me that link - as you can see it has stirred up quite a conversation. Yay to prodding your friend. A triumph.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-71961572026301727452013-11-17T00:14:27.670+11:002013-11-17T00:14:27.670+11:00I've never had depression or any mental illnes...I've never had depression or any mental illness. I am lucky. My brother did, sort of -- his psychologist called it a series of ruts. I remember feeling feeling terribly scared that he would do something to harm himself but didn't have the guts to ask him directly. I would now. I think I used to think that mental illness only happened to weak people. I don't know how I got that impression but I'm sure I thought that way. I couldn't understand the episodes that would happen to my bipolar friend. Still, nowadays I'm much more familiar with it all, thanks to a few certain charity employers! I've recently had a friend diagnosed with pqnic attacks and anxiety and put on medication thanks to my slow prodding over a couple of years (her parents don't "believe" in psychology). Feel proud that I've gone from wishing I could be someone who helps to somebody who actually does!<br /><br />xoPaintedDuchesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11520858651840259168noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-9049181501515232822013-11-16T13:05:26.846+11:002013-11-16T13:05:26.846+11:00Susan Kane: Hear, hear - and thank you.Susan Kane: Hear, hear - and thank you.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-20186335398406736822013-11-16T13:04:58.820+11:002013-11-16T13:04:58.820+11:00Pam:): Thank you. I hope so.Pam:): Thank you. I hope so.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-14966305327551654232013-11-16T12:17:39.258+11:002013-11-16T12:17:39.258+11:00Being judgmental--support and love should always b...Being judgmental--support and love should always be given, not only when someone approves of the event.Susan Kanehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09834094675218254410noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-62848026291678570392013-11-16T09:44:22.176+11:002013-11-16T09:44:22.176+11:00So sad and yet so true. Support should come with l...So sad and yet so true. Support should come with love and understanding and without bias no matter what. <br /><br />Thanks for posting this story, it just might make a difference.<br /><br />Be well, be happy :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-81025197055710651602013-11-16T07:25:11.376+11:002013-11-16T07:25:11.376+11:00Susan: Thank you. And I agree with you many thou...Susan: Thank you. And I agree with you many thousands of percent. Support comes in many forms - but it should come in 'some' form.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-92230349987174280612013-11-16T07:24:04.743+11:002013-11-16T07:24:04.743+11:00Deb: And, as well as the professionals we need be...Deb: And, as well as the professionals <b>we</b> need better 'bedside' manners. Less of the look the other way approach.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-11256680608993985442013-11-16T07:22:40.053+11:002013-11-16T07:22:40.053+11:00jabblog: Welcome and thank you.jabblog: Welcome and thank you.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-73808266840110690422013-11-16T06:37:41.069+11:002013-11-16T06:37:41.069+11:00No, you aren't being unreasonable at all. What...No, you aren't being unreasonable at all. What's unreasonable is the discomfort most people feel when it comes to mental illnesses of any kind. What's unreasonable is how people tend to look down their noses at families touched by mental illnesses and addictions. Maybe it's fear? Maybe they're terrified that something like that could happen to "taint" their families, too? But the bottom line is... pain and suffering is pain and suffering, and whatever its root cause, the decent thing to do is offer support, whether that comes in the form of a tuna casserole or a kind ear. Susan Flett Swiderskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09425315552148200073noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-78038906119943886522013-11-16T00:42:38.919+11:002013-11-16T00:42:38.919+11:00I'm with Jabblog here. I can add nothing new t...I'm with Jabblog here. I can add nothing new to this, other than you are not being unreasonableā¦. The sad thing is, sometimes people are afraid of the "unknown" or something unfamiliar with their own lives. They see mental illness as "crazy" --- even these days. Remember way back, when going to a psychologist meant that you were batshit crazy? Now? It's the total norm because everyone deserves a good talk to an outsider (psychologist). It's just the same with suicidal people --- nobody will ever understand suicide because some have never been that low. They think it's just "crazy" and also think, "Well if they're willing to kill themselves, they're willing to kill me." <br /><br />Alcoholism, addiction of any kind, mental illness or all diseases, just like diabetes, the flu, etc. It's really a shame that there isn't enough "good" help out there, at least where I live, to get people headed in the right direction, or just to get some good bedside manners --- at least. <br /><br />Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14986475569600734742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-63682102631697405172013-11-15T22:20:21.127+11:002013-11-15T22:20:21.127+11:00I can add nothing new to the debate but agree with...I can add nothing new to the debate but agree with the sentiments expressed in your post. jabbloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12176958811589489979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-46488997095956209242013-11-15T17:25:15.155+11:002013-11-15T17:25:15.155+11:00Barb: I am so sorry. And shame is a milder word ...Barb: I am so sorry. And shame is a milder word than the one I would use.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-34553680785628704642013-11-15T17:24:43.181+11:002013-11-15T17:24:43.181+11:00John Wiswell: But would you be able to reach out ...John Wiswell: But would you be able to reach out to his family, which was the issue in the article? I suspect you would - and we could all do better.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-31511124809203205322013-11-15T17:13:36.939+11:002013-11-15T17:13:36.939+11:00I've lived through, in my own way, the shunnin...I've lived through, in my own way, the shunning that happens when one suffers from a psychological or dependency issue - when that person is one of your children. No one came. No one called. I not only had to deal with the mental anguish but the social shame. It is a shame. You're right.Barbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11699703635120775591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-2023285512538289212013-11-15T15:55:46.134+11:002013-11-15T15:55:46.134+11:00We don't have a set dialogue for mental proble...We don't have a set dialogue for mental problems, and especially not an anodyne one. When my neighbor broke his hips, I showed up with cookies, a balloon and the get-well spiel. I know that I wouldn't be comfortable doing the same if he was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Part of this is my cowardice, and part of this is that when I extend like that, I'm implicitly obligating the party to open up in ways that, when the disease is of the mind, feels terrifically rude. Someone has to be very close to me for me to extend because it feels much less like my place. There's this sense that they deserve privacy above all things. It's not constructive, and it's something I struggle against. I know I could do better.John Wiswellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07416044628686736927noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-53511433551988129552013-11-15T15:47:35.541+11:002013-11-15T15:47:35.541+11:00kylie: I think both are true. At the end of the ...kylie: I think both are true. At the end of the day we do need to help ourselves - but some support from family and friends doesn't go astray. And in this instance, the family needed support as well as the person with the mental illness. She was getting care - they were not. <br />And I hate to think of you being told to 'do it alone'. Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-71709844886512043142013-11-15T15:33:54.852+11:002013-11-15T15:33:54.852+11:00i haven't read comment here but i have read ma...i haven't read comment here but i have read many but it certainly raises some things.<br />i didnt life a finger to help when my own mother had breast cancer. i was terrified and i didnt want to acknowledge it. fortunately, mum had a short course of treatment and i think she knew what i was doing. i like to think i would have risen to the occasion if it had been much more serious.<br /><br />dad is depressed and anxious at times but to us it seems like he is just whining and cranky, it takes an effort of will for me to treat him with the respect he deserves and to give him the benefit of the doubt.<br /><br />i have had my own deep crises which have received little attention, support or sympathy and i remember a mentor of mine telling me that there was nothing she or anyone could do for me, that it was my road to take alone. <br /><br />I believe that we all should do whatever we can to support the people around us but i tend to agree with my mentor, that we pretty much always take the painful roads alone and to resent our solitude only makes it harder.kyliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08964475783207438103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7516733121956849207.post-86340331718259543962013-11-15T14:15:36.604+11:002013-11-15T14:15:36.604+11:00My Inner Chick: And certainly not less. I refuse...My Inner Chick: And certainly not less. I refuse to hide any disorder. And will try and give support where ever, when ever and how ever I can. Hugs<br />Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.com