This morning for something completely different we have been in the garden.
The smaller portion has planted over 100 bulbs. Daffodils, a mixture of the doubles and the split coronas. I have planted maybe twenty and done some weeding and wept some bitter tears. I can't keep up. I am sore, frustrated and beating up on myself better than anyone else can.
And yes I know I am not being reasonable. He planted in areas I had already weeded. He can get up and down again without pain.
But feelings (for me anyway) are not reasonable. I still compare myself to a person without a disability and come off badly. And my expectations are perhaps too high. Aaaaargh.
I am inside having a cup of tea and calming down (a bit). Possibly two cups of tea. After which I am going back outside armed with secateurs and loppers. I intend to wrestle the stinking honeysuckle into submission so I can plant the last of the daffodil bulbs where I want them.
And tomorrow I will start again.
You're pushing yourself too hard do the best you can in the circumstances i wouldn't like to hear you've hurt yourself and ended up in hospital :-).
ReplyDeletePlease please be careful. Better to have a few less bulbs planted than to be in more physical pain (and self doubt) than you need to
ReplyDeleteI understand the urge to push yourself, but as the others said, you have to be really careful. I suspect you already know that, it's just that Mr Brain is sulking up there and not playing nicely with the rest of you.
ReplyDeleteI have a minor disability with my knee which has restricted what I can do, though I still push the envelope and pay the price. It's never worth it.
Be a supervisor and let the small one do the planting.
ReplyDeleteI'm often doing things I shouldn't too, forgetting that I'm almost 60, not still 20 something.
I hate MS. I'm sorry you have it. You'll get those bulbs in. If not, plant some fake flowers. I can send you some! Sure, they're tacky, but....sometimes tacky is ok.
ReplyDeleteWindsmoke,Kath, Marie, River, Strayer. Thank you all lots. Sorry for posting my meltdown. I am still tired, still sore but my eyes are not leaking today. I did get back out into the garden and rip and tear some more room for daffodils. Perhaps they will get there today and perhaps not. I am not a supervisor unfortunatwly. Have to get my own hands dirty. The iris and the tulips can wait (a bit).
ReplyDeletePatience with your dear self, please!
ReplyDeleteAloha from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral
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Try a vertical garden. Pots that rest on an outdoor table at waist height with little trellis or stakes in them, and plant up standing on your feet without ever having to bend down. Good on you for trying.
ReplyDeleteThank you Cloudia, Mitzi:
ReplyDeletePatience is something I have in spades for other people. Not good on it for me.
The vertical garden has charm, and I may yet come to that.
On a much more positive note. Before the smaller portion got up this morning I planted the rest of the daffodils and decided to give myself the rest of the day as a holiday from the garden. Irises tomorrow perhaps, but there are only 50 of them. Tulips in stages next week.
I'm with you there, hubbys been digging the allotment, then weeding and planting and I managed to pull out all of 6 dead roots and a handfull of kale, it can drive me nuts when I'm so slow. Well done doing it at all and even better, finishing the Daffs off!
ReplyDeleteFrustration more than failure, I think. Another F-word. (Well, and *that* F-word too.) I feel very fortunate that we've been able to hire a garden person whose sensibilities match ours. Unlike us (my husband has his own limitations), she can cope with it...Trying to find that elusive balance between being somewhat productive, but not self-inflicting torment... is such a hard one. I don't think it's ever really possible. I feel your frustration, and deeply sympathize with the stubborn determination to finish as well.
ReplyDeletePaper Chipmunk: All the f words. I know that it was frustration, but it felt much more like failure. Sigh. So there was indeed much saying of the word that starts with f and ends in uck - which one of my great nephews tells me is firetruck. Tells me with a big grin.
ReplyDelete*hug* It just really sucks sometimes... and that other thing you mention that rhymes with it. And I do enjoy saying that other rhyming word. I digress, but the only time I ever called in to a radio show, and was put on the air, was to set straight a self-appointed word origin "expert" in L.A. who'd given a bogus etymology for it. My philological brain was offended. The hilarious thing was trying to discuss a word we actually could not say on the air. I couldn't imagine doing that now--I'm sure my loopy brain would slip.
ReplyDeleteReminds me, for your amusement...did you ever see this post from a long time ago on Jeff Peachey's bookbinding blog about long s? I thought you might like it: http://jeffpeachey.wordpress.com/2010/02/16/long-s/ Seems appropriate, somehow.
Thank you. I wish I could have heard that radio program. Snickering as I type. I am a potty mouthed person myself and it helps. And I noticed this weekend that there is even scientific evidence that it helps. They did a test on people putting their hands in ice cold water. Those who swore, kept their hands in for markedly longer than those who said drat and hot chocolate and the like. Off to check out that bookbinding blog - thanks
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