The outpatient's clinic was chocka. The specialist was over an hour and a half late, and couldn't access the smaller portion's record because the hospital computer server was down. He is however, happy with the smaller portion's progress, and is talking about reversing the colostomy in December/January. With however the rider that an ileostomy might be necessary. WTF? Smaller portion heard only what he wanted to hear and came home v happy, moaning that it was too long to wait. He also has the all clear to drive again and to lift things - which includes the cats.
And I can't stop my eyes leaking. I have been running on empty for too long, am super, super tired and my bones hurt. At the moment in addition to the usual MS pain and difficulties getting up and down both hips are giving me grief. It hurts to sit, walk, or lie down. Standing still is OK once I have levered myself up. My brain is out to lunch and didn't invite me.
And yes, I know that I am being more than a tad unreasonable, but I have had enough. More than. I don't want to play this game anymore. And I am on call for Lifeline tonight from 5.30 until 7 tomorrow morning. Hopefully a very, very quiet one with all of Australia content with their lot. Unlikely. (While there are Lifeline centres across Australia all of us answer calls Australia wide on a first in best dressed basis.)
On the positive side the cats will probably be as happy as himself.
I'm confident you'll overcome all diffculties with flying colours, don't give up, hang in their, you can and will do it, it will get better even though it dosen't seem so right now :-).
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear the good new myself, although late in the year is a long time to wait. I hope you are feeling better soon. MS must be a terrible burden.
ReplyDelete"And yes, I know that I am being more than a tad unreasonable, but I have had enough. More than. I don't want to play this game anymore." I know just where you're at hon, it's shit isn't it. Let it out, bawl and be unreasonable. I throw things at the wall myself. It's good news the smaller portion is merrily wandering without worrying, at least you aren't carrying the extra there for a while. Windsmoke is right, it WILL get better and eventually you will feel better too.Keep you're chin up girl, here's a big old virtual hug at you. xx
ReplyDeleteWindsmoke, DJan, All Consuming: Thanks. I think when the adrenalin ran out I collapsed with it.
ReplyDeleteHorrible pressures, EC, but you are right to vent and rage. Life is nastily unrewarding at times. Even if it all is a an illusion, according to Buddha. I bet those painful hip joints are not so illusory. At least you have such gorgeous meowlies who put on a great show.
ReplyDeleteOh, my friend, I know where you are in terms of 'having it up to HERE'... My son, who is now nine and doing extremely well, was born with a heart condition (hypo plastic left heart syndrome-only three ventricles), and underwent three open-heart surgeries before he was 18 months old. The first of which occurred the very day after he was born. I know what it's like to be SO DONE with it all, and the wanting to smash things and scream at the top of your lungs. It's especially true when you see things getting a little better and glimmers of progress, only to be completely sideswiped by something else. Time marches in such strange ways--- when you want to savor, it speeds up, and when you want to just get to the end it slows to a mere trickle. Ride it out. Hang in there, and know that I'm thinking of you from the other side of the world.
ReplyDeleteThe tension that we don't feel until it stops. I know it well.
ReplyDelete"I've had enough". i know just how you feel.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know colostomies could be reversed.
Now I have to google ileostomy.
I can't see the difference between an ileostomy and a colostomy bag in terms of yuck and inconvenience, so I don't blame you for melting down. Sometimes you just want to stay in bed and pat the cats. Go with it for a while, it'll fade. In the meantime, we're all sending you good thoughts!
ReplyDeleteThey just want to play the music..but nobody understand them...
ReplyDeleteEC, nothing unreasonable about a long overdue collapse after so long being strong because there was no other choice. No apologies! All the best to you.
ReplyDeleteRiver: I didn't know colostomies could be reversed either.
ReplyDeleteAmpersand Duck: Yup, me neither. Thanks.
BaliMoz: Welcome.
Two Tigers: Thanks, I am struggling to the surface again.
you are, most of us are, entitled to whine and cry and grump and hate how things are at times. we get that life isn't fair, but still letting out steam is essential to be able to move on. i hope you're feeling better now, putting thoughts and feelings to blog (or just paper) somehow relieve some of the pain i think.
ReplyDeletei also hope that your lifeline-evening was a reasonably quiet one. and having cats soothe the soul as well as body, especially, i believe, mischiveous, shiny black liquorice trolls like those two.
Pia K: Thank you. Yes a little (big) vent helps. And I love your description of Jazz and Jewel as shiny black liquorice trolls.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about your pain. Sending you and smaller portion lots of healing vibes.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been here before: I've read your kind comments on other threads.
ReplyDeletePlease, look after yourself, because you are beautiful. And valuable.
Give up the Lifeline stuff when it stresses, as perhaps now. Sometimes we just need to hunker down and lick our wounds.
heartfelt good wishes.
ladyfi; Thanks - we are getting there
ReplyDeleteFrances: Welcome and thank you. Lifeline serves as a good reminder that people are doing things a damn sight tougher than I am. But yes, I probably do need to pay some attention to me.
You have the gift of good writing. You have terrible troubles and afflictions to bear, but I love the way you write about them. You are brave, but human. I hope you can come to a quiet place soon.
ReplyDeleteAnne: Welcome and thanks. I don't feel at all brave.
ReplyDeleteChronic pain (hips now too!) and MS-style exhaustion alone are enough to push anyone beyond the edge. It's been a horrible several weeks. And I seem to remember this all started after that extra stressful, exhausting Lifeline weekend. You went into this nightmare already feeling done in. Burnt out and weepy sounds like a pretty rational response.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of Lifeline, I hope Australia wasn't in too deep a collective crisis during your shift. Oh my . . .
Oh sweetie, sorry I have been a little absent and missed this post. Hope things are now on the up and up. Bloody pain, I can so relate - although for different reasons.
ReplyDeleteFunny how men only hear what they want to hear, but hopefully the reversal will go according to plan.
Sending cyberhugs and lots of positive thoughts xxx