There are so many adjustments that both of us have to make. For as long as I can remember his preference has been to have only one meal a day, and to make that one very very spicy (think Malaccan Devil's curry which has 40 chillies in it). Now we have been told it has to be 'little and often'. And the jury is still out on whether he can have spicy. The diverticulitis that we didn't know he had seems to warrant a high fibre diet. The colostomy may not cope with it as well. We are booked in to see a dietitian the week after next and for the moment are working on trial and error. And I am doing the cooking for both of us because he cannot stand long enough.
The community nurse came to touch base with him yesterday. For the next month or so he will call in once a week, and the smaller portion has access to a community nurse on a needs basis 24 hours a day. Reassuring.
Nonetheless his pride, body image and independence have been hit hard.
He has been told that he cannot drive for up to two months, because he would be a danger to himself and others. Something he is having trouble accepting. On Wednesday we went to see our local GP. She ordered a blood test (fortunately they didn't butcher him the way the hospital did). After that he went to buy some soft pants which didn't gouge into the staple lines, while I did the grocery shopping. We then caught a cab home. He was so tired he was spinning out, but assured me that if he had been driving it would have been better. Huh? How?
So until he gets the all clear to drive again he will have to rely on me. Which both hurts his pride and makes him feel guilty. Which it shouldn't, but as I know only too well, guilt is not rational. And yes I know that we could shop on line, but I am a vegetarian and prefer to select my fruit and veggies on the basis of how it looks, feels and smells rather than accepting a photo. And himself has a similar attitude towards his cuts of meat. So for the next little while I will be doing more walking and more bus travel and he is too weak yet to play either unless it is essential. We will start gentle walks next week I think. At the moment a meander around either the front or the back garden exhausts him.
He has also been told that until he sees his surgeon again next month the heaviest weight he can lift is one kilogram. Which rules out both cats. Another sadness. He cannot vacuum or sweep or stretch for fear of damaging internal stitches.
Presumably next month the surgeon will tell him/us a little more about the possibility of reversing the colostomy and give us a timeframe. I have been doing some reading (thanks JahTeh) but suspect that whatever the risk he will want to go ahead. Hopefully his next hospital visit will be less dramatic than the last.
We will get there but there is a long road ahead of us still. And both of us are so very tired.
So glad the small portion is home and there is some balance again. Sorry that he is still so fragile, but to be expected after the long struggle he has had. I had to smile at the male attitude re driving etc, my hubby would be exactly the same. In fact once when he was in a cast and told not to do anything, I found him balanced on a chair changing a light bulb.
ReplyDeleteBoth of you be kind to yourselves and rest when required, housework and the like can be done later, getting both of you back to the Before is all that matters.
Positive thoughts and love coming your way. xxx
The road is long, with many a winding turn ... I bet the puddy tats are happy to have SP home, even if he's a little less furry than he used to be.
ReplyDeleteInteresting that your diets are so different from each other. I assume from what you have said that you don't drive. Although I have a car, I choose to take the bus daily into town because it is so much more convenient and I don't need to find a place to park it and pay.
ReplyDeleteWhen I have a lot of stuff to buy, however, I like to drive. That way I don't need to wrestle with it quite so much. I'm so glad he's home, and I appreciate the pictures, even if they made me flinch!
It is good to hear he is home. Those are some nasty bruises!
ReplyDeleteTake it easy and rest as much as you can.
Oh boy, recovery is a lesson in humility. Glad he survived and is on the mend, at least. Sorry about you and the beard and him, the jolly threesome, the beard being the third wheel. At least you got to see him without! Maybe you get him a fake one for now, as a joke, of course.
ReplyDeleteAll you can do for now is take it one day at a time and travel slowly along that long road to to the Smaller Portions recovery, hang in there it'll be all worth it in the end :-).
ReplyDeleteThank you all. Sometimes one step, rather than one day is all we can do. A shame that neither of us does patience well.
ReplyDeleteJewel responded to his return by saying 'oh, were you away?' Jazz alternates. He either purrs loud and long or says 'I don't know who you are' scuttling away with his belly to the ground. He still wedges himself between us at night though.
And I may have to think about buying the fake beard. Give him something to aspire to.
It's good to hear he's home with you again. I've had bot a perforated bowel, colostomy (since reversed) and caught an infection whilst everything went wrong on my lungs that resulted in pneumonia. Not showing off just wanted to say I can empathise and know what you're both going through to some extent. I hated the physios and my arms looked just like that! It gets better. I had to change to no fibre from a diet full of it which was hard work but in the end it makes you explore food you never would have and enjoy it. Don't say that to the smaller portion just yet or he may throw more than a bean turd at you. Thinking of you both, keep your chins and anything else that helps up!
ReplyDeleteAll Consuming: thanks a lot - it isn't going to be an easy road, but we will get there. And it is nice to know personally (in an indirect sort of way) someone who has gone through his journey.
ReplyDeletepatience is so hard. when you're in the midst of battle to manage the daily necessities, it's virtually impossible to step back, see the bigger picture, and think longer term....
ReplyDeletei remember after my c-section, i was told not to lift anything more than 10 pounds. i pointed out "but my daughter weighs 11 pounds, which is why i needed the c-section". they said 'wing it'.
take care. rest. listen to your bodies.
So much happiness, so much sadness. One step at a time indeed. Sending good thoughts.
ReplyDeletedaisyfae, tracy: Thank you.
ReplyDeleteSigh... I know what it's like to have to spend more time in the kitchen cooking for a specialized diet. When one's energy is already low, it's especially hard. It goes without saying that this sucks for him, but I also know that all this extra shopping and standing and helping and cooking and walking and caretaking and worrying and on and on is not the easiest on you. New equilibrium, indeed. I hope you're able to soon find a livable rhythm as you get through these next weeks and months.
ReplyDeleteAnd what is it with hospital staffs who can't insert an IV?!
Lovely to know he's home again. Those are very colourful bruises!
ReplyDeleteI'd say the spicy is definitely out, particularly with the diverticulitis and especially the 40 chillies!!
Paper Chipmunk: Its going to be hard for both of us. And I will have trouble if he realises how hard it will be on me, because then he will try and do things too soon. So instead of whistle while you work for the next little while it will be fib as you work. Liar, liar pants on fire rules.
ReplyDeleteRe the bruises: On one of my own hospital visits I told the staff that a self respecting junkie would have done a better job. Didn't go down well.
River: It is lovely to have him home. Hopefully the dietician will allow him some spice - though 40 chillies is excessive.
Oh gosh, what a lot you have been through! At least you're home now, and recuperation can take place...
ReplyDeleteGet plenty of rest when you can! Hugs.
Thanks ladyfi. We have a long way to go yet, but doing it from home is a lot easier on both of us.
ReplyDeleteOnce again arriving late to the party! I see everyone has said what needs to be said in the way of kindness and comfort and gentle humor. I'm glad Himself is home, his bruised ego will heal along with his bruised arms, and all will be well. But yes, don't forget to take care of yourself too!
ReplyDeleteP.S. - During my one and only extended hospital stay, my arms acquired every color in the rainbow from the sadistic invasions of the i.v. drip. Whenever a new staff member would stick me they would say "oh you have such great big veins, so easy to find, they should be using you for practice!" My unvoiced reply - you mean you aren't?
All the best to you both.
Those bruises are sadistic - surely a blind epileptic with a jackhammer could have done a gentler job - poor smaller half!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that he's home, even if it means going slow and softly for a while. This remark really hit home: "guilt is not rational". True for you, for him, for me.....
Two Tigers, Kath: Thank you. We will try and take it slooooowly. We have to.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't matter if you're the one doing the caring or the one who must accept it, it's still hard way to go. I'm so sorry for it all.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I like about having a blog is that it helps me to remember that there's plenty of suffering to go around, and that many of us are not so well off as we might appear.
Thanks Snowbrush. You are right about there being more than enough suffering around. It makes me think of ducks - they look so serene floating on the water and yet out of sight their little legs are going hell for leather.
ReplyDelete"It makes me think of ducks..."
ReplyDeleteIt's nearly 3:00 a.m. here, and I took my narcotics some time ago, so when I read that, I immediately pictured a poor little duck with one leg missing, swimming like crazy but unable to get out of going in a circle.
Oh Snow: I probably shouldn't be snickering at that image but I am. And more often than I care to think about I feel a little like that one legged duck (the going round in frantic circles thing). Hope your narcotics kick in soon.
ReplyDeleteSending you both love & healing wishes!
ReplyDeleteAloha from Waikiki :)
Comfort Spiral
><}}(°>
><}}(°>
<°)}}><
i've read, i think and sending my thoughts. i want to say something deep and thoughtful, but some days just aren't filled with that. but i think of you. and i hope that the cats, even if they can't be lifted by small portion, lift the spirits. they usually do, just being around.
ReplyDelete