A little while ago I came across a pithy phrase while browsing in the blogosphere. I cannot remember whose blog it was, so I apologise for not giving you the credit due.
At the time I chuckled ruefully, acknowledging that I was guilty of the sins it covered, and put it out of my mind.
This week between Christmas chaos and medical mayhem I have bitten off rather more than I want to chew. And the saying came back to me (and bit me rather hard).
Don't pet the sweaty stuff, don't sweat the petty stuff.
Sadly I do both. I get bogged down in those bit of my life that are less than ideal, and I make a rod for my own back and beat myself mercilessly over things which really don't matter. It is really time that I learned to let both the sweaty stuff and the petty stuff go.
Are you guilty too?
At the time I chuckled ruefully, acknowledging that I was guilty of the sins it covered, and put it out of my mind.
This week between Christmas chaos and medical mayhem I have bitten off rather more than I want to chew. And the saying came back to me (and bit me rather hard).
Don't pet the sweaty stuff, don't sweat the petty stuff.
Sadly I do both. I get bogged down in those bit of my life that are less than ideal, and I make a rod for my own back and beat myself mercilessly over things which really don't matter. It is really time that I learned to let both the sweaty stuff and the petty stuff go.
Are you guilty too?
have been guilty of getting embroiled in little things that shouldn't take up a lot of my brain space. have made an effort to shake that off - and it has made a difference. but it's hard... as for petting sweaty stuff? may never give that up! i like to get down in the mud and wrassle with earthy issues. and pet horses... :-)
ReplyDeletedaisyfae: Ever the rationalist I decided that the sweaty stuff I should avoid was the things that make me break out into a cold sweat - typically at 2am. Warm sweaty things? Bring them on.
Delete*hand is waving crazily in the air* GUILTY!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteCathy Oliffe-Webster: I didn't think I would be alone in this.
DeleteQuite guilty but I'm getting better at letting stuff go. I think it's the meds... ;)
ReplyDeleteNot that I haven't found a whole new mess of things to obsess over, but stuff so important to me in my twenties seems so petty now. It's funny how much priorities change over the years.
Now that you've told me how much you've bitten off...would you like to visit the parlor as a guest and have a spot of Jezebel's tea? (In February)
Laura Eno: The stuff I obsessed over in my twenties? Fairyfloss. I find that when I make the effort I am quite good at recognising what is important. Sadly, if I get into a rush I stop looking and begin to obsess. Slow down, pat a cat, breathing are all my friends.
DeleteI would be more than honoured to share some of Jezebel's tea.
Boy, am I ever! It hit me too when I read it here, realizing that I need to find some way to stop beating myself up over those things that don't matter. This is the first time I've heard that phrase but I'll keep it in mind as I go about the business of learning how to let go.
ReplyDeleteDJan: Some of my favourite bloggers have their hands up here it seems. Kindred spirits? Sloooowing down is my answer to the problem, but it a lesson I don't seem to retain.
DeleteOh I am definitely guilty especially with hurts folks have caused me, the thoughts rear their ugly heads, try as I might I don't seem to be able to let things go, to roll off my back like water off of a duck's back as they say.
ReplyDeleteLinda Starr: Perhaps it is part of what makes us human. However, like my guilt button, it is a part of me I would willingly discard.
DeleteOh yah! Mostly I'm still beating myself up for mistakes I've made and things I've done...they keep coming back to visit me and leave me down in the dumps. I just can't believe I'm not perfect I guess lol.
ReplyDeletemybabyjohn/Delores: You aren't perfect? Are you sure?
DeleteI got a card in the mail today all the way from sunny Australia...thank you thank you thank you.
Deletemybabyjohn/Delores: Far too sunny Orstrayia at the moment. I am glad that it arrived though.
DeleteAdd my yes to the rest! My lastest motto is.. Breathe Deeply while thinking Happy thoughts :o)
ReplyDeletePam:): And another yes. I am starting to see a pattern here. A wander in the garden helps me. Planning for the garden (when it is too dark to go out) helps as well.
DeleteAh, it's so easily done - the brain has a mind of its own, you know, and it's so often a monkey-mind! :-) I usually do fine during the day, it's when I wake up at 2 or 3am (which thankfully happens very rarely) that my monkey-mind loves to remind me in graphic detail of all the things I "need" to do or worry about. But I've gotten pretty good at practicing various ways to calm the monkey, and when they don't work a good book or a walk or a romp with the dogs usually does. (Yes, even at 3am!) :-)
ReplyDeleteAs with petting the sweaty stuff, I'm with daisyfae. :-)
Wishing you tranquility within and without, and the beauty of a simple holiday season! (Go enjoy those beautiful birds in your beautiful garden and take some slow, deep breaths through your nose!) :-)
Laloofah: I loved your link to monkey mind. Thank you. It is something I try to do, and am (often) successful. However I need to keep doing it, and keep doing it or, as you say, the monkeys take over.
DeleteP.S. I love Pam's advice, that works well for me too.
ReplyDeleteLaloofah: And for me. Mostly.
DeleteI try not to do that. My best friend died of breast cancer when she was 29 - and it had been a long road leading up to that. I adopted the motto "Don't sweat the small stuff - it's all small stuff" after that.
ReplyDeleteLynn: A loss like that focuses us doesn't it? Just the same, I still slip into bad habit again more easily than I like.
DeleteI forgot to add.. 'let go of the past'
ReplyDeletePam:): Sometimes 'throw away the past'.
DeleteI cannot comment on petting sweaty stuff for I occasionally have a bit of a gutter mind and it is before noon here in Florida. I've had just one mug of coffee, and little sleep, and to risk a risque comment on such things would be all too easy.
ReplyDeleteAs far as not sweating the petty stuff... my [limited] sanity [and perhaps the reason I'm alive] right now is because I made a choice to not sweat the petty and small things the last few months. Every time D would get drunk and angry and a fight would brew over something petty, I would simply say "Whatever" and walk away. I would go read a book or my Bible or take a bubble bath and close him out of my mind. I believe that was what has saved me.
So most definitely I can recommend that it is vitally important to not sweat the petty and small stuff... and it really is mostly all small stuff. Sending you e-hugs...
Cindi Clarke: As I said to daisyfae, warm sweaty stuff is exempt and something I hope to hang onto. Cold sweaty stuff is the problem child there.
DeleteI admire your strength and love your methods of dismissing the petty.
Ugh the petty stuff are the worst sometimes. It's strange though, in my life, I (unknowingly) or perhaps, hide my stress from the big stuff and on the outside and very much consciously, the petty stuff seems to grip me by the neck and choke me all. the. time.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the above ---- breathe. That's what helped me this morning. Hope you're doing better.
Deb: The petty stuff is surprisingly powerful isn't it? For such small things...
DeleteFor the most part, I stopped petting and sweating. I'm the "glass is half full" type...on the days I find it empty, I just fill it up. Hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteKaren: I would describe myself as an 'optomistic pessimist' in that I hope for the best, while expecting the worst. This is not all bad as it helps me plan ahead but it has its drawbacks.
DeleteYou Too!! ut I am the queen of that! I am my worst enemy at times.
ReplyDeleteTeresa: With enemies like ourselves, we really don't need any more do we?
DeleteThat is hilarious! Yes, totally...and I hope the medical mayhem calms down for you.
ReplyDeleteRiot Kitty: Another guilty party. We seem to be in very good company. Thank you, this batch of medical mayhem should be over by Friday afternoon - at least until the New Year.
DeleteKaren Love it petting and sweating same here. As for the petty stuff, not within my control so I let it go, not willing to waste my energy, nothing I do or say changes it, so when the garbage is full I pitch it.
ReplyDeleteDo hope your doing better soon!;-)
Mary K. Mennega: I admire your strength and fortitude. I know what I should be doing, but it sometimes gets buried in the rubble in my head.
DeleteDear Elephant's Child, I do understand that rubble will cause much trouble. it's why I take out the garbage often!
DeleteMary K. Mennenga: Some days, a dump truck would be insufficient. It is amazing how much can collect which is of no use, and of decided harm isn't it?
DeleteElephant's Child, I hear you many day's I've needed a fleet of them. Yes it is
DeleteI hear what you are saying. I try to go with the flow, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't so i just move on as best i can.
ReplyDeleteWindsmoke: Going with the flow is great when we can isn't it?
DeleteSounds so familiar, no, you are not alone in this ;)
ReplyDeleteDeniseinVA: There seem to be quite a lot of us with these bad habits...
DeleteI hate to break it to you, friend; but you are one of those Human Beings, remembering like the rest of us, that we are not 'doings!'
ReplyDeleteAloha from Waikiki, my Friend
Comfort Spiral
~ > < } } ( ° >
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Cloudia: Thank you - something I should remember, and don't anything like often enough.
DeleteI am so so guilty.
ReplyDeleteSusan Kane: Is it common to female bloggers, or to women more generally I wonder. I am not excluding men - but none have really put their hands up to say 'you are describing me!' Windsmoke mostly gets over these feelings...
DeleteAren't we all guilty of that! I know I am...and then I have to slap myself across the face while telling me to wake up to myself! ;)
ReplyDeleteOuch! It hurts, too! I must learn not to strike myself so hard!
Lee: Self flagellation is astonishinly painful isn't it? Our own worst enemies.
Delete*Sighs. And nods.*
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone, EC. I am a perfectionist, which oddly enough leads me to just give up trying a good deal of the time, because if I don't have the time or energy to do something the way I want to, why start? (wrong thinking) The rest of the time I paddle furiously upstream, not making much headway, and beating myself with that stick you were talking about...
It's comforting to know there are others who have these inner conversations, and it's good to read others' ways of trying to overcome. Good luck with your battle.
jenny_o: And good luck with your battles as well. Sadly I do understand the 'if I can't do it perfectly, it is not worth attempting'. And worse, this attitude has kept me from even trying some things. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
DeleteOh, thank goodness! After reading your post, and everyone's comments, I'm so not alone :)
ReplyDeleteAs I get older, I want to be able to get wiser - fingers crossed.
Five months shy of half a century, I am beginning to tell myself (when it all gets too much), "it is what it is". Funnily enough, giving myself permission to "let go" seems to be working ..... most of the time ;)
Still a little too much of a control freak and perfectionist for my liking.
BUT, I now channel that into my art. Because I like to make quality, well finished items (not slap dash) for my markets and customers, I try to tell myself that I can be fussy in that discipline - the rest can wait.
Mmmm - so far, so good :D
Vicki: Not alone at all. I have taken inspiration from all my generous commentors, and particularly like Cloudia's human being, NOT human doing. I just need to remind myself. We just need to remind ourselves...
DeleteAbsolutely :)
DeleteI try very hard to not sweat the petty stuff and mostly succeed, but when it comes to the sweaty stuff, no thank you, I hate sweaty anything.
ReplyDeleteRiver: I so admire your success with the petty stuff. Sadly it is that which is often my downfall.
DeleteGuilty as charged in the past, made a New Year resolution (back in March) not to go to either place in future. (Life too short, and all that.) Patchy success, but improving - I think!
ReplyDeleteDave King: Are you doing so by sheer determination and will power or do you have any special techniques you could share?
DeleteYes, I violate these principles all the time--it's human not to. But I think keeping this odd little mantra in mind helps to keep the molehill from growing.
ReplyDeleteit's just so much easier to go with the flow, which often is negative, then to push against it and stay positive.
At work, I have a buddy and we try to call each other on our petty/sweaty stuff.
I think you found the phrase here: http://linda-leftbrainwrite.blogspot.com/2012/10/perfect-storm.html
If so, I'm glad I inspired! Hang in there, and know you're human, like the rest of us, and that's okay. Peace...
Linda: Thank you so much. I was hoping that the person from whom I had annexed the saying would pop up. And yes, that is almost certainly where I found it.
DeleteI do know that I am human - but would prefer to be reminded by the good things I do, rather than my failings.
Thank you again.
You should be kinder towards yourself, you are an extremely special being, I am very fond of you. Allow me to wish you an amazing Christmas to you and your entire family. Kisses from Eastern Europe.
ReplyDeleteunikorna: Thank you. Learning to be kinder to myself is an on-going project. That is a very fine compliment coming, as it does, from a very special woman herself. And a great Christmas to you and yours...
DeleteSome of my words on that are to be found here:
ReplyDeletehttp://jottify.com/works/thought-therapy/
With my best wishes,
Andrew
Don QuiScottie: Thank you. These are great. I particularly like 'Bubble of Now' and have been trying for some time to stay in that place.
DeleteThankee Kindly. That 'Bubble of Now' is usually the best place to be, though not always, I suppose, to be fair... "The Bubble of When This Crisis Has Passed" is sometimes preferable to hope for, but now I am arguing against myself :)
DeleteBut then even in the midst of a crisis, just focusing on dealing with the moment is usually the best way to make it through. Nothing makes a crisis worse than looking too far ahead from it to an imagined future, in my humble opinion. I am fortunate not to have the medical issues that challenge you, yet, but I have had some rather atypically huge crises and challenges of other kinds, and persuading myself to deal with just the moment, at such times, can be such a relief.
DeleteDon QuiScottie: In times of crisis I have found that staying in the moment is the ONLY way I can cope. It is life's much more minor aggravations which cause me to obsess. Which I would be the first to admit isn't sensible.
DeleteThat is a great saying!!! And I would guess that most people probably pet the sweaty stuff and sweat the petty stuff... it might be that yucky part of us that makes us human? URK
ReplyDeleteNicky HW: All humans together in our sillinesses...
DeleteI have tried to teach my human, Gary, to not get overworked about situations and not let the anxiety dictate his life. He tries to avoid the petty, but he does pet me :)
ReplyDeleteGary and I both find that by redirecting our energy to be there for others, in turn we find ourselves feeling better about ourselves. Wishing much peace and contentment. That was a profound saying. Remember what a remarkable person you are.
Pawsitive wishes, Penny the Jack Russell dog :)
klahanie: Penny, the superstar - you are an amazingly wise dog. I am glad that Gary and Tristan have you to support them on good days and bad.
DeleteYoga is what helps me to slow down, breathe, and recognise if I'm blowing things out of proportion, which I often am!
ReplyDeleteMolly: Yoga seems to help a lot of people. I am as supple as a brick, so suspect it could help on a range of fronts. In the New Year when the silly season has calmed...
DeleteI am guilty of both and try to correct myself. I do have to say it gets easier everyday. I keep repeating to myself :"This too shall pass" and it makes it easier :-)
ReplyDeletefarawayinthesunshine: I was surprised at just how many of us have trouble with this. And yes, 'this too shall pass' is a wonderful mantra.
Deletethis reminds me of the old "dont sweat the small stuff", it also reminds me that some people say the small stuff really counts! its hard to know which way to go sometimes :)
ReplyDeleteheaps of problems disappear if you leave them alone for long enough. thats my preferred method
kylie: The great ignore is something I also do. Not always sensibly or successfully. It is great when it works though.
DeleteYes I too am very guilty but have managed to get through to 20th December and remain sane...just. That is a very good phrase that you have quoted, one I must also remember. When I get befuddled MOH always says "just do one thing at a time". If only I could but my mind races beyond what I am currently doing to what I should be doing and so on. Then chaos reigns supreme. I am a great believer in the 'chaos theory' as it is a big part of my life. lol
ReplyDeleteMimsie: Someone gave me a book once whose title is 'I try to take each day one at a time, but sometimes several of them attack me at once'. Sound familiar.
DeleteIt is the 21st now, and the world hasn't come to an end, and I am still upright - which has to be a plus. But yes, far too often chaos rules.
I'm definitely geared to sweat some of the petty stuff, particularly the trivial ways I hurt others. I can absolutely obsess over my harms to others.
ReplyDeleteJohn Wiswell: Trivial ways to hurt others? Oh yes, obsessions are born there...
DeleteI've been living by this mantra for years, minus the petting things part. Life's too short to worry about tiny things. As I learned it, stop and ask yourself if what you're experiencing is a 5 minute, 5 hour, or even 5 day problem. If it is, stop worrying about it. It'll be over very quickly, and you probably won't even remember it in a month, so why worry over it now?
ReplyDeleteA Beer for the Shower: Welcome. I understand the rationale behind it, but am not very good at it. Yet. Work in progress.
DeleteWhat a great thought! Keep well.
ReplyDeleteladyfi: Thank you.
Deletejust 'guilty' of enjoying your company!
ReplyDeleteAloha from Waikiki, my Friend
Comfort Spiral
~ > < } } ( ° >
> < } } ( ° >
Cloudia: What a lovely thing to say - thank you.
DeleteI am working very hard on this very issue, I'm as guilty of it as you. But we can be rehabilitated hon, really....in time.
ReplyDeleteAll Consuming: Meet you in the rehabilitation clinic for this one then...
DeleteI really like that saying. I definitely have a bad habit of sweating the small stuff, although as bigger challenges arise, I am learning to let go a little more of things that really aren't important in the bigger scheme of things.
ReplyDeletePS- is there are a way I can get your posts emailed? I follow most blogs via facebook, and am shocking at remembering to check in for new posts xx
Jane @Hesitant Housewife: There are a lot of us, aren't there. And yes, your current problems would make it easier to let go of some of the smaller things. I hope things improve for you and Mila soon. I think I can add a gadget which allows you to follow by email - I will have a look and see what I can do.
DeleteThank you :)
DeleteLove the quote, S.
ReplyDeleteAnd I love you.
Have a nice Christmas. Sending you hugs from Minnesota.
XxxOOo
My Inner Chick: Thank you. Lots - on both counts. Have as good a Christmas as you can, I will be thinking of you.
DeleteHonestly, I am thinking I may be past that point. It seems to me the older you get, the more aware you are how much of your life is not important and maybe never was. We tend to hang our hats on things that don't have meaning and then get upset if it doesn't turn into something more than it ever could ... huh? I have wittled down most of those pointless issues and now try to focus on things that bring joy to me and to the people I love. It's lovely. That said, I have been pulling my hair out over trying to get ready for Christmas. I could never get myself focused on it and now I am frantically trying to get gifts ready for under the tree ... and why? Because, I have kids and they love Christmas and look forward to coming here to open presents, eat, drink, and whatever ... and the most fun is having my Granddaughter here for Christmas. But, wait, she is 16 and Grandma's is not the prime place to be when you are 16. Soooo ... she is coming for Christmas, no she isn't coming for Christmas, she will be here the weekend after Christmas, no she has Gymnastics that weekend ... will we see her at all? Can I get by without wrapping her presents (that would be awesome). What the heck people ... Just pour me a glass of wine and leave me to my own devices. Life is good, we just have to figure out how to recognize it.
ReplyDeletePerk up EC, you are a good person! Life has been hard on you ... but you are still a good person in spite of it. I love that about you!
Andrea @ From The Sol
Andrea: Love it. Particularly your response that wine o'clock will help. And thank you.
DeleteLoved the quote. It reminded me of how much I'm a poster child for both bad habits. "Sweating the petty stuff" in particular - I'm famous for not being able to sleep from worrying about "things" and then when I get up I realize they were really no big deal. Silly, silly me, but I just can't help it...
ReplyDeleteRon Dudley: There are far too many of us that epitomise these sad failings. I guess we all just have to keep working on it...
DeleteIt's a great quote. I don't let much get to me. The last guy I dated freaked out for everything and I thought how sad to live like that!
ReplyDeleteCrack You Whip: Jealous me can only say - well done you.
DeleteI try not to sweat the small stuff.. sometime I succeed, others I fall short.. after all I'm only 5'2" ;)
ReplyDeleteBe well and Happy, S SP ;)
Pam:): Thank you. Does that mean I fall tall? I always wanted to be 5'2", and was briefly. Very briefly. I am now around 5'11".
DeleteI snapped at my sister a couple of weeks ago. Realizing what I'd done, I fretted and fretted over it, until she pointed me back to a book she was reading since I bought it for her: Just One Thing. She astutely pointed out that "Forgive Yourself" is one of the chapters of the book, which gave me a great opportunity to revisit the chapter and give its instruction some thought . . . and action. :)
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone in this!
deborah-bryan: Forgiving ourselves, along with loving ourselves are great ideas and ones I find hard to act on. I am working on it though.
DeleteYes, I am quite guilty.
ReplyDeleteEven when I know that the only thing that truly matters is "LOVE."
Xxx Kisssses.
My Inner Chick: You are right about the importance of love, and sadly far too many of us are skilled at beating ourselves up.
Delete