Wet and Aggressive Corella challenges Magpie

Wet and Aggressive Corella challenges Magpie

Monday, 25 June 2012

Sabotage

I may have mentioned that the smaller portion is not a good convalescent.

He is still in hospital.  He has moved on from Nil by Mouth where he was only allowed ice, which he held in his mouth until it melted and then swallowed.

The next step was Clear Fluids.  He complained bitterly that he could not tell the soup he was offered from the water for his tea.  For some reason clear fluids included jelly - but he could stand a spoon up in it and refused it.

Then onto Free Fluids.  Here he is allowed milk in his tea or coffee, porridge, custard and somewhat thicker (but not chunky) soups.

The tea and coffee were both vile, but he bravely managed half a cup.
The porridge was wall paper paste and he could not (would not) eat it.
The custard had lumps in it the size of peas and he could not (would not) eat it.
The soup was mushroom and he hates mushrooms so he could not (would not) eat it.

They have removed all of the tubes/bells and whistles he was connected to but have now had to replace the drain coming from the hole in his side.

Both his sister and I are exhausted.  We come home and tell ourselves that we cannot tell our dinner from the water for our tea and coffee, complain about the lumps and go to bed smiling wryly.  We are not of course anywhere near as tired as the wounded warrior. 

While he is diligently refusing to eat his digestion is not being tested.  He tells us, which I doubt, that he has been told that a 'good fart' will be sufficient to come home on.

I hope not.  I really, really hope not.  I do not want another dash to hospital with him.

PS:  I forgot to share a moment of shared mirth.  At 55 my smaller portion is one of the youngest (if not the youngest) in his shared ward.  The day before yesterday a nurse trotted from bed to bed asking earnestly 'Have you done pooh-pooh or wee-wee today?'.  It was a good thing that the curtains were drawn because our faces were all convulsed with the effort of not laughing loudly.  And his sister and I cravenly bolted before she got to him.

64 comments:

  1. I don't know too many people who are good patients. It is a very demeaning position to be in. You dignity is lost in so many ways.

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    1. Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe: Agreed. Hospital does take away your dignity, and your pride. Just the same he needs to start eating if he is to escape from its confines.

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  2. Goodness, he is being more than a little naughty, isn't he? Glad that you can find some humour to keep you smiling. I hope he 'farts' soon, or at least starts eating. Sending healing wishes to SP and sunshine and laughter to you. Hugs from Perth xxx

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    1. Kakka: Very small positive steps today. Thank you for your healing wishes and the sunshine and laughter. The hug certainly didn't go astray either.

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  3. I laughed so at the end I almost wee-weed my panties :)
    Maybe tomorrow he will be more agreeable and you and his Sister will be less stressed.
    Get some much needed rest. Thanks for the update on SP.

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    1. Pam:): Thank you. When we went up this morning we were told he had eaten his wallpaper paste and had graduated to sandwiches for lunch. Still refusing to eat them if they didn't appeal though...

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    1. mybabyjohn/Delores: I hope you are being sarcastic. I really, really hope so.

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  5. Yep! As a grown male and having spent several months in hospital over the past three years I can identify with the 'wee bairn'! I used to ring up 'home delivery' and have take away food delivered to me in hospital. At one stage, before yet another operation, I visited a local restaurant and struck a deal with the owner over dinner meals delivered by cab.

    As for bodily functions - yes a pee and a fart are all good signs that the guts are 'working', however, one cannot beat the comforting assurance of one's first bowel movement! lol!

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    1. JohnD: We are not certain what his poor bowel can cope with, hence the very gentle introduction to real food. At the moment it seems that mush is the go....

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  6. I have to confess, the porridge/paste made me laugh. When I was in the hospital some years ago, a bowl of something was presented to me at meal time. I couldn't figure out what it was supposed to be, but it looked familiar. I just couldn't quite put my finger on it. I asked the nurse, and she claimed it was rice cereal. But I'd never seen rice cereal that looked like that or had that texture.

    And then it dawned on me where I'd seen this substance before. I make my own rice starch paste on the stove for papier mache and bookbinding. It wasn't Cream of Rice cereal. They'd made paste. That said, I was so desperate I did eat some of it. Hospital food is bad, but not eating enough to stay alive and get out of the hospital is worse.

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    1. Paper Chipmunk: I would like to know where he got his familiarity with wall paper paste.

      That said - you are right. Not eating only serves to extend his hospital stay.

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  7. Oh my!! That last part is so funny!! I do hope he starts feeling better and you can get some rest too. Sending hugs~

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    1. Jenn June: Both his sister and I only have to say 'did you do a wee-wee?' and the other one cracks up. I do hope she doesn't say it to him while we are there.

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  8. "Cravenly bolted"--wonderful. Havn't heard or read that modifier for years. Didn't some poet have a craven lover. Or maybe it was Craven Cigarettes.

    I hope SP finds something to please him. Probably wouldn't make him happy, however. Sigh.

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    1. Joanne: He was listening to the menu choices being read to the person in the next bed with envy this morning. I don't think he would eat them either though.

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  9. I'm sorry to laugh. But I think my dad would qualify for the worst patient and he never had anything very serious until he was near the end of his time here. He always had to have sitters with him to keep him in the bed OR me bossing him. My mom and brother couldn't make him mind at all. He'd just yell at them and I'd not care--I'm a teacher and we are used to reluctant little people. Take care of yourself!!♥♫

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    1. Marilyn: We laugh - through gritted teeth sometimes, but we laugh. We have to. I suspect we need you or someone like you. The SP listens, and does exactly what he wants. Sigh.

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  10. Oh, I do hope he will get out of there soon, for everybody's sake. How could anyone eat hospital food and enjoy it? Must be bad worldwide. I am hoping he will make a nice pooh-pooh for the nurse soon and come home! :-)

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    1. DJan: Like jenny_o I am smiling at your last sentence. Smiling a LOT. Thank you.

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  11. It is a measure of either how good our hospital food is, or how much I hate to cook, that I actually enjoyed the meals while I was in for the births of our kids, many years ago. What I surely did NOT enjoy was the constant questioning about BM's :) Too bad SP is not motivated by the cause-and-effect of eating/eliminating!

    Still chuckling over your vignette at the end, and DJan's last line, hee hee!

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    1. jenny_o: Our hospital food looks and smells very, very bland. Himself likes his food heavily spiced. Not yet, boyo.

      DJan's last line was spot on.

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  12. Hospital food can be ghastly! I hope there is something that he will find palatable.

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    1. Karen: It often is truly horrible. Just the same, knowing that he needs to eat in order to get home should offer some incentive. Should, but doesn't seem to.

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  13. If that nurse gave you a laugh, take it! Having been through a hospitalization recently, I can sympathize.

    I am so sorry you're going through this in addition to your own health issues. Will they let you bring in food? Sending prayers your way.

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    1. Riot Kitty: Thank you. They won't let us bring in food. Apparently they are 'retraining' his bowel and there is some sort of logic to the dietary plan. I suspect that flavours as well as logic would be helpful.

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  14. LOL! on the last part. I hope he can go home soon, but not until he is really ready and not end back in the hospital!

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    1. Teresa: Thank you. Today he is at least acknowledging it will be a little longer before he can come home.

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  15. Lordy, first thing drummed into us was dignity for the patient at all times, doesn't take much to ask, quietly, in a shell-like ear if earth had moved for them.
    Good to hear he's progressing well!
    Jelly is classed as clear fluids cos it melts in the mouth with no chunky additives like soup with vegies, etc.
    Fingers crossed he comes home on more than just a good fart!

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    1. Jayne: Thank you. I had no idea why jelly (red jelly at that) was considered a clear fluid. It was a particularly solid jelly and he amused himself by standing a spoon in it and flicking the spoon. It wobbled but did not move.
      Dignity is too often absent in hospital.

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  16. “He tells us, which I doubt, that he has been told that a 'good fart' will be sufficient to come home on. “ - they actually said a good shit (poo in his case) will be sufficient for him to go home on. I know this for a fact, I never wanted a good crap so much in my life as I did waiting to get out after that op. Fart my leg. I can see he's driving you nuts, nursing a bad patient is worse than being ill yourself sometimes.

    “'Have you done pooh-pooh or wee-wee today?'. HAHAHAHA, oh that's cracked me up for the day, I'm glad you get a little light relief occasionally. xx

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    1. All Consuming: I love your turn of phrase. 'Fart my leg' is something I may save up to say to him. And I am happy that you shared my mirth at the nurse trotting from bed to bed...

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  17. Hope the light is shining in EC - sounds like you've been through the mill a few times in the last few weeks. Sending healing.

    Pandx

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    1. Pandora Behr: Thank you. Healing doesn't go astray. For either of us.

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  18. Hopefully he realizes he has to eat that swill in order to get better. Love that nurse story. :) There was a nurse in a hospital once who kept calling my mom "Precious" - she had an extreme Southern drawl and we still laugh about it.

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    1. Lynn: At last he seems to have realised that he will have to eat before he can come home. After the last operation he was able to resist their food and then come home and refuse to eat here as well. It seems they have the measure of him, and of other patients like him.

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  19. A good fart's not to be sniffed at.

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    1. J Cosmo Newberry: We are not amused. Much.

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  20. OK, could it be time to bring The penguin into play? Or maybe just the threat of taking it to visit him will work.
    I do sympathise with you both; hospital food is awful at best. And men, well let's just say they don't always make it easy. I'd eat marbles if they told me I could leave hospital once they had passed through.
    I'm pleased you have your sense of humour to keep you going and I hope SP is home soon . . . Not too soon though. Thanks for the update, take care x

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    1. bugerlugs63: I may not have to resort to the penguin - he ate a sandwich at lunch today. I will see. And yes I agree with you. Hospital food is foul, but if that is what it takes I would eat it all.

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    2. He ate a sandwich? He just hopped right over the liquid food only stage didn't he? Sly old devil.

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    3. Sly old devil is an accurate summation.

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  21. Wow, he's younger than me. I'm glad he got the operation, sorry he's such a pain in the behind as a patient, wish he was easier, so you wouldn't be put upon so severely. Maybe it will all be over soon.

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    1. Strayer: I have everything crossed that it will be all over soon.

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  22. Dear EC, I'm glad to learn that you have retained your sense of humor in the midst of all this. Several of my married friends have mentioned through the years about what bad patients men are. That always seemed to me to be--possibly--an exaggeration as I never like to think of the group instead of the individual. But perhaps I've been wrong! Maybe men really are just bad patients! Peace.

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    1. Dee: My sense of humour (mostly black) is often all that keeps me afloat. He is a bad patient, as was my father. On the other hand so was my mother. I think it is a very individual thing.

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  23. What is is with hospital food? And a pooh-pooh and a wee-wee? I would not have been able to keep my laughter quiet. Maybe she does that to see the look on people's faces. Too funny!

    And yes, a really good fart can be a lovely thing.

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    1. Birdie: Each morning as I go in I now ask him if he has done a pooh-pooh. He is only very slightly amused. His sister and I are though.

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    1. Snowbrush: Exactly. Given that much of his bowel has been untested for a little over a year I am not surprised that his doctor wants to take things very, very slowly.

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  25. Sometimes it's just the poo and wee jokes that get you through, isn't it? I hope he gets better soon and does that magic fart that'll send him home for good.

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    1. Kath: A little silliness (and the pooh and wee jokes) is all that is keeping me above water at the moment.

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  26. I never get tired of the word 'poo'. :)

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    1. CarrieBoo: And poo rhymes so nicely with so many things.

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  27. I try to be polite when I'm stuck in the hospital, but it can be tough. And I can imagine getting even crankier on "clear fluids" and such. Hope things are improving...

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    1. John Wiswell: He is at least able to eat more 'acceptable' food at the moment.

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  28. It is good that you are back on line, and that SP is progressing, albeit at a snail's pace.Men can be very aggravating and irrational! Not to mention exceedingly obstinate. I hope you are getting enough rest, and that you start your won recovery soon.

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    1. persiflage: Thank you. While I am back on line intermittently, I have been neglecting other people's blogs. Perhaps next week.... I am not really getting much rest, but hope to very soon.

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  29. Love the PS. I remember being in hospital aged 19, having just had my tonsils out and the sister asking me if I'd had my bowels opened. In my family bowels had never been referred to as such so I had no idea what she meant and replied No, I'd had my tonsils out. Then she laughed and asked if I'd poohed yet today.
    I hope the smaller portion begins eating a bit soon.

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    1. River: A friend of mine had her appendix out and was asked each day whether she had passed wind. Not having the remotest idea what they meant she said no. It was not until a nurse asked whether she had farted that she was able to set their minds at rest. The smaller portion is now eating a little more. He has however neither farted nor done a pooh.

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  30. Laughter will save your sanity! Glad you're finding it... thought the beginning of your post read a bit like Dr. Seuss! Here's to continued progress - and laughter as needed!

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    1. daistfae: Laughter and wine o'clock. Not certain which benefits me most.

      He is now home, and being a complete curmudgeon. Sigh.

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  31. I seriously laughed so hard at this!

    Blame the hospital food, it tastes terrible!

    I feel so sorry for the poor guy :-(

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    1. Catherine, ex oh mwah!: Don't feel too sorry for him - he is back home and sending me even more loopy.

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