Himself is on the road again for the next month or so.
China this time. Alone again, and travelling independently.
I love that he is feeling well enough to travel. I will worry, but that is one of my skills. I will also relish some time on my own.
But.
Last time he was away I realised that I am not as strong as I was. By the time he returned I was exhausted, in more pain than usual and it took weeks to recover.
Slowly (not slow enough) and too surely the dread disease is progressing. I am just not as capable or as independent as I was. Or as I thought/deluded myself? Which scares me. And depresses me. It is starting to warm up here which doesn't help.
Managing myself, the cats, the fish, the house, the shopping, the garden and my voluntary work on my own is now too much for me. I will have to find a compromise (or compromises) which I can afford and which will work.
Cross your fingers for me please. And please, don't suggest that I give up my voluntary work while he is away. Trading something I find fascinating (albeit not always pleasant), something which makes me feel I can still contribute to the community, and some socialising for the housework doesn't feel like a fair exchange.
China this time. Alone again, and travelling independently.
I love that he is feeling well enough to travel. I will worry, but that is one of my skills. I will also relish some time on my own.
But.
Last time he was away I realised that I am not as strong as I was. By the time he returned I was exhausted, in more pain than usual and it took weeks to recover.
Slowly (not slow enough) and too surely the dread disease is progressing. I am just not as capable or as independent as I was. Or as I thought/deluded myself? Which scares me. And depresses me. It is starting to warm up here which doesn't help.
Managing myself, the cats, the fish, the house, the shopping, the garden and my voluntary work on my own is now too much for me. I will have to find a compromise (or compromises) which I can afford and which will work.
Cross your fingers for me please. And please, don't suggest that I give up my voluntary work while he is away. Trading something I find fascinating (albeit not always pleasant), something which makes me feel I can still contribute to the community, and some socialising for the housework doesn't feel like a fair exchange.
